| Divorce and Parenting Pawns in the game Vinita | | | | from their parents leave them wondering if |
| Panjabi recalls, "When Sanjay and I decided to get | | | | perhaps they were to blame. They will always |
| a divorce, I think we fought the most about who | | | | feel that they are part of an incomplete family |
| would keep the children. I remember being so | | | | and are missing out on something. It's even more |
| angry and hurt that I wanted to hit back in any | | | | bewildering if one parent remarries. Now they |
| way possible. I just wanted to leave and take my | | | | have to cope with adjusting to accepting a |
| children with me so that I could forget that I had | | | | complete stranger as their 'mother' or 'father'. No |
| ever been married to him." Divorce is usually a | | | | wonder children wish their parents would stay |
| bitter and acrimonious process. Desperate to get | | | | together no matter how bad things are. Shared |
| out of a bad marriage and to hurt each other as | | | | parenting Divorce is an ugly word. And when |
| much as possible, couples become blind to the | | | | children are involved it's not just ugly, it's messy. |
| needs of their children. Children often become | | | | Most people decide to get a divorce after much |
| pawns in the game of one-upmanship that often | | | | deliberation and because they see no other way |
| accompanies divorce proceedings. Divorce spells | | | | out. However, a divorce is rarely as clean a break |
| the end of a couple's relationship as husband and | | | | as they expect. If a couple has children, there is |
| wife. However, it does not mean that they are | | | | no way that they will be absolutely free of each |
| divorced from their children. That's one relationship | | | | other, even after a divorce. For the sake of the |
| that continues "till death do you part." Even after | | | | children, you and your spouse should try not to |
| you are divorced, you and your spouse will play | | | | take an adversarial approach. Try to sit across |
| an important role in your children's lives, unless | | | | the table from each other and make decisions |
| one of you totally gives up the responsibility of | | | | regarding your lives and your children's lives |
| being a parent. The trauma of divorce How many | | | | keeping everyone's best interests in mind. Even if |
| times have you heard people say that they | | | | you're not married to each other any more, you |
| stayed together because of the children? While | | | | should try to share the parenting. You should aim |
| divorce is no piece of cake for the parents, it can | | | | to develop a parenting plan that will ensure that |
| be truly traumatic for the children. Children are | | | | the children will be able to spend sufficient time |
| probably the most affected by a divorce, but this | | | | with both parents, to benefit from their love, |
| is a matter in which they have no say. Everything | | | | affection, influence, support, and ideas. Whatever |
| is in a state of flux and there is no security or | | | | decisions you take should disrupt the children's |
| stability in their lives. Children always feel that | | | | lives as little as possible. Life should go on as |
| divorce is something that happens to other people | | | | before as far as possible. Your anger and |
| and that their parents will be together forever. In | | | | resentment should take a backseat when it |
| a divorce, children find themselves torn between | | | | comes to making financial arrangements. There is |
| their parents. Occasionally, they are made to | | | | no point cutting off your spouse's money supply if |
| choose who they would prefer to live with and | | | | it is going to affect your children as well. |
| one can only imagine what a heart-wrenching | | | | Remember that they are not to blame. It would |
| decision that must be. Overnight one parent | | | | be ideal if both spouses would agree that all major |
| becomes a visitor in their lives. They often hear | | | | decisions regarding the children should be taken |
| one parent badmouthing the other. They're not | | | | jointly. The fact is that a divorce is as acrimonious |
| sure which parent is the 'good guy' and which the | | | | as the people involved make it. If you choose to |
| bad. For children who see everything in black and | | | | be amicable, it will just make it that much easier |
| white, the shades of grey associated with a | | | | for you and your children to cope with the |
| divorce are beyond their comprehension. Lack of | | | | divorce and its aftermath. More parenting advice |
| understanding about the reason for this | | | | here. |
| catastrophe coupled with evasive explanations | | | | |