| Do people really listen to one another any more? | | | | so good!" By acknowledging them in this way, the |
| Being an effective listener can be one of the | | | | person feels heard. So many times, the speaker |
| most powerful life skills you can have in life. I | | | | will make a statement and the listener will turn |
| have found Empathic Listening an invaluable tool in | | | | the subject matter back to themselves. Here is |
| my coaching practice. Not only do my clients feel | | | | an example of NOT being an empathic listener: |
| heard and validated but they also find that when | | | | The speaker says, "I just lost 25 pounds. This is |
| they apply this skill in their every day life, it can | | | | the first time in my life I've been able to lose the |
| help them enormously. It is a powerful asset in | | | | weight and keep it off." The non-empathic listener |
| their business dealings as well as in their close | | | | would reply by saying, " I remember the first |
| relationships. In modern day society, most of us | | | | time I lost a lot of weight. I was so happy until |
| have forgotten the art of how to really tune in | | | | the pounds starting creeping back on, etc, etc." |
| and listen to each other. We are caught up in our | | | | This listener has completely ignored the speakers |
| world of cell phones and blackberries while trying | | | | "win" and emphasized that they are more |
| to hold a conversation with one another. Our | | | | concerned with themselves. Empathic listening can |
| minds are often preoccupied and the conversation | | | | be a wonderful tool to increase the intimacy in a |
| literally goes in one ear and out the other. | | | | relationship. When the focus stays on the |
| Wouldn't it be nice to have a conversation with | | | | speaker, both people share a more meaningful |
| someone where you not only have their undivided | | | | exchange. |
| attention but also sense that they are really | | | | Try the following exercise with a partner. Take |
| interested in what you are saying? | | | | turns sharing about a topic that is important to |
| The reason Empathic Listening is such an incredibly | | | | you (i.e. a problem you are having trouble solving, |
| powerful communication skill is that it lets the | | | | something exciting happening in your life that you |
| other person know you are present and | | | | want to share, etc.) The person who is doing the |
| interested in what they are saying. According to | | | | "empathic" listening, should really tune in and pay |
| the dictionary, empathy is a way of "experiencing | | | | attention to what the speaker is saying. Keep eye |
| as one's own of the feelings of another." When | | | | contact, make comments like, "I hear you" or "I |
| using this skill in communicating with another, you | | | | understand what you are saying." You don't have |
| are putting aside your own values, needs and | | | | to try and solve the person's problem, you just |
| judgments and focusing on the essence of what | | | | need to let them know that they are being heard. |
| the other person is thinking, feeling and needing | | | | Reverse roles and do the same exercise again. |
| .You acknowledge this person's words by looking | | | | Experience the bond you feel with the other |
| them in the eye, nodding your head and | | | | person when you listen in this way. |
| responding to them in a way that lets them know | | | | Empathic listening is about the "quality" of your |
| you are "there" with them. Your focus stays on | | | | listening to another person. When a person feels |
| the speaker until the person is complete in what | | | | like they've really been heard and understood, |
| they are sharing. An example of this would be: If | | | | they feel validated and cared for. By embracing |
| the speaker is telling you about how they just | | | | the skill of listening from your heart instead of |
| paid off their credit card debt, your empathic | | | | your head, you will find your relationships gaining a |
| response would be something to the effect of, | | | | deeper quality and meaning to them. |
| "That must be a huge relief!" or "You must feel | | | | |