| A sullen, non-communicative teenager. A | | | | we can see obvious solutions to, our teens find |
| frustrated parent. | | | | overwhelming. Challenges that would slide off our |
| Is that the way it is in your home living with your | | | | backs, they get lost in. |
| teenager? | | | | As a person, it's humiliating to admit you're |
| Parenting teenagers is a demanding job, no doubt | | | | overwhelmed and lost. So you don't. And neither |
| about it. Teens have the natural ability to challenge | | | | does your teen. |
| us on every level. Whereas once they simply | | | | Teamwork changes that. For example, a parent |
| accepted our authority as parents, no more. | | | | who's noticing their teen is struggling with |
| Many parents fight against this normal | | | | academics has two choices. Yelling (ever noticed |
| developmental phase. As a result, their homes | | | | how often yelling works?). Or leading the way |
| become tense battlegrounds as they stand ready | | | | providing training on how to make a positive |
| to defend their positions at a moment's notice. | | | | change. |
| Usually, in this environment, a teen starts out | | | | A parent could say something like "I see you're |
| yelling and ends up silent. | | | | finding your current schoolwork challenging. That's |
| Because he or she has found somewhere else | | | | good because it means you have the chance to |
| where their voice can be heard. And appreciated. | | | | learn something new here. I have some methods |
| While some teen frustrations are firmly rooted in | | | | that have worked for me when dealing with |
| parenting issues from the child's younger years, if | | | | challenging work and I'd be glad to show them to |
| you have an otherwise well-adjusted teenager | | | | you. When's a good time for you?" |
| who simply has stopped talking to you, there are | | | | For some teens, that conversation is all they need |
| practical things you can do that will help. | | | | in order to acknowledge they need help. Others |
| I am currently parenting my third teenager and | | | | will take more coaxing. Still, the point is valid. Don't |
| these communication tips are what we use in our | | | | just tell them what to do...work with them, |
| home everyday to keep talking alive and well. | | | | empathize with their frustration, show them how |
| -- Listening comes first. | | | | to set a goal, overcome obstacles and come out |
| Trite but true, your teenager will tune you out if | | | | the other side. Then celebrate with them. They've |
| you never *really* listen to what she has to say. | | | | earned it! And you've earned their respect. |
| You want to get your teen's attention? Then | | | | -- Show them you understand...them. |
| learn to listen with your whole being. Use your | | | | While parenting teenagers, we often lecture as |
| body language and lean closer when he's talking. | | | | opposed to discuss. That's only natural for us as |
| Make eye contact. Repeat back what you hear | | | | parents. Usually we can see their glaring error in |
| so you're sure you understand every ounce of | | | | judgment and we realize it's our duty to correct |
| what your teenager is telling you. Ask clarifying | | | | them. |
| questions. Empathize. Give him your undivided | | | | Right idea. Wrong method. |
| attention (no cell phones, newspapers, no | | | | Humility works big time with teenagers. Have you |
| half-hearted 'uh-huh's'). | | | | ever made a mistake that your teen seems to |
| In other words, listen to your teen the way you | | | | also be making? Probably more frequently then |
| wish you were listened to. | | | | you would like to admit. Well, admit it. When you |
| If you do this one step regularly, your teen will | | | | explain the boundaries you are placing on their |
| seek you out, yearning to talk to you. | | | | behavior, let your past example (mistake) be the |
| Imagine that. | | | | "here's what I've learned from this problem |
| -- Respect is king. | | | | myself" part of the conversation. |
| It's easy to be condescending when parenting | | | | Believe me, you'll have their attention when you |
| teenagers. As parents, we know more than they | | | | admit to not having it all together. 'Cuz guess |
| do, right? We've been around the block numerous | | | | what. Everyday your teen ACTS like he has it all |
| more times than they have. Heck, compared to | | | | together to cover up the fact that he KNOWS he |
| them, we are wise! | | | | doesn't have it all together. And he's worried and |
| However, here's the real deal. If teens don't feel | | | | scared. |
| respected by us, they don't accept our influence. | | | | Your admission you've been where he is and you |
| And all that wisdom goes down the drain. | | | | found a way out will be welcome news. That you |
| That fact is not limited to teenagers, by the way. | | | | cared enough about him to share your |
| That's the way we're all wired as human beings. | | | | vulnerabilities won't be lost on him, either. |
| And it helps a lot to remember your teen is | | | | Obviously, this parenting tip only applies to age |
| perilously close to being an adult and feeling the | | | | and situation-appropriate confessions. But do you |
| way adults do. Your teenager is not all grown up | | | | get the point here? Your teen is longing for |
| yet, but close enough to give you clues as to | | | | someone who knows her and is willing to be on |
| what they need. | | | | her side. Ideally that needs to be you. |
| Like respect. Earn their respect and they will trust | | | | Parenting teenagers effectively means building |
| you with their lives. | | | | relationships with them, listening when it's |
| -- Teamwork means everything. | | | | convenient for them (not you), working with |
| Teenagers often feel like they're carrying the | | | | them to help them overcome challenges, earning |
| weight of the world on their shoulders. It's easy | | | | their respect so it's YOU they think of when they |
| for us who are parenting teenagers to look at | | | | need to talk. |
| their day-to-day lives and say, "that's nothing! | | | | This will take patience, an open heart, thick skin |
| Wait until you have MY responsibilities!" But what | | | | and daily time. Things that all prove to your |
| we as parents forget, is that our teen is new at | | | | teenager that you think they're worth it. |
| these types of responsibilities. So problems that | | | | And they are. |