| A sullen, non-communicative teenager. A
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| | that we can see obvious solutions to, our
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| frustrated parent.
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| | teens find overwhelming. Challenges that
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| Is that the way it is in your home living
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| | would slide off our backs, they get lost
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| with your teenager?
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| | in.
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| Parenting teenagers is a demanding job,
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| | As a person, it's humiliating to admit
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| no doubt about it. Teens have the natural
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| | you're overwhelmed and lost. So you
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| ability to challenge us on every level.
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| | don't. And neither does your teen.
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| Whereas once they simply accepted our
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| | Teamwork changes that. For example, a
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| authority as parents, no more.
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| | parent who's noticing their teen is
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| Many parents fight against this normal
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| | struggling with academics has two
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| developmental phase. As a result, their
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| | choices. Yelling (ever noticed how often
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| homes become tense battlegrounds as they
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| | yelling works?). Or leading the way
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| stand ready to defend their positions at
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| | providing training on how to make a
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| a moment's notice. Usually, in this
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| | positive change.
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| environment, a teen starts out yelling
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| | A parent could say something like "I see
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| and ends up silent.
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| | you're finding your current schoolwork
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| Because he or she has found somewhere
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| | challenging. That's good because it means
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| else where their voice can be heard. And
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| | you have the chance to learn something
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| appreciated.
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| | new here. I have some methods that have
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| While some teen frustrations are firmly
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| | worked for me when dealing with
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| rooted in parenting issues from the
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| | challenging work and I'd be glad to show
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| child's younger years, if you have an
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| | them to you. When's a good time for you?"
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| otherwise well-adjusted teenager who
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| | For some teens, that conversation is all
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| simply has stopped talking to you, there
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| | they need in order to acknowledge they
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| are practical things you can do that will
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| | need help. Others will take more coaxing.
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| help.
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| | Still, the point is valid. Don't just
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| I am currently parenting my third
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| | tell them what to do...work with them,
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| teenager and these communication tips are
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| | empathize with their frustration, show
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| what we use in our home everyday to keep
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| | them how to set a goal, overcome
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| talking alive and well.
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| | obstacles and come out the other side.
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| -- Listening comes first.
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| | Then celebrate with them. They've earned
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| Trite but true, your teenager will tune
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| | it! And you've earned their respect.
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| you out if you never *really* listen to
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| | -- Show them you understand...them.
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| what she has to say.
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| | While parenting teenagers, we often
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| You want to get your teen's attention?
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| | lecture as opposed to discuss. That's
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| Then learn to listen with your whole
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| | only natural for us as parents. Usually
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| being. Use your body language and lean
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| | we can see their glaring error in
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| closer when he's talking. Make eye
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| | judgment and we realize it's our duty to
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| contact. Repeat back what you hear so
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| | correct them.
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| you're sure you understand every ounce of
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| | Right idea. Wrong method.
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| what your teenager is telling you. Ask
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| | Humility works big time with teenagers.
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| clarifying questions. Empathize. Give him
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| | Have you ever made a mistake that your
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| your undivided attention (no cell phones,
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| | teen seems to also be making? Probably
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| newspapers, no half-hearted 'uh-huh's').
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| | more frequently then you would like to
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| In other words, listen to your teen the
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| | admit. Well, admit it. When you explain
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| way you wish you were listened to.
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| | the boundaries you are placing on their
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| If you do this one step regularly, your
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| | behavior, let your past example (mistake)
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| teen will seek you out, yearning to talk
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| | be the "here's what I've learned from
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| to you.
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| | this problem myself" part of the
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| Imagine that.
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| | conversation.
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| -- Respect is king.
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| | Believe me, you'll have their attention
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| It's easy to be condescending when
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| | when you admit to not having it all
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| parenting teenagers. As parents, we know
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| | together. 'Cuz guess what. Everyday your
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| more than they do, right? We've been
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| | teen ACTS like he has it all together to
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| around the block numerous more times than
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| | cover up the fact that he KNOWS he
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| they have. Heck, compared to them, we are
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| | doesn't have it all together. And he's
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| wise!
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| | worried and scared.
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| However, here's the real deal. If teens
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| | Your admission you've been where he is
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| don't feel respected by us, they don't
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| | and you found a way out will be welcome
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| accept our influence.
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| | news. That you cared enough about him to
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| And all that wisdom goes down the drain.
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| | share your vulnerabilities won't be lost
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| That fact is not limited to teenagers, by
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| | on him, either.
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| the way. That's the way we're all wired
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| | Obviously, this parenting tip only
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| as human beings. And it helps a lot to
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| | applies to age and situation-appropriate
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| remember your teen is perilously close to
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| | confessions. But do you get the point
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| being an adult and feeling the way adults
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| | here? Your teen is longing for someone
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| do. Your teenager is not all grown up
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| | who knows her and is willing to be on her
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| yet, but close enough to give you clues
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| | side. Ideally that needs to be you.
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| as to what they need.
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| | Parenting teenagers effectively means
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| Like respect. Earn their respect and they
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| | building relationships with them,
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| will trust you with their lives.
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| | listening when it's convenient for them
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| -- Teamwork means everything.
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| | (not you), working with them to help them
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| Teenagers often feel like they're
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| | overcome challenges, earning their
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| carrying the weight of the world on their
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| | respect so it's YOU they think of when
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| shoulders. It's easy for us who are
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| | they need to talk.
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| parenting teenagers to look at their
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| | This will take patience, an open heart,
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| day-to-day lives and say, "that's
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| | thick skin and daily time. Things that
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| nothing! Wait until you have MY
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| | all prove to your teenager that you think
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| responsibilities!" But what we as parents
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| | they're worth it.
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| forget, is that our teen is new at these
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| | And they are.
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| types of responsibilities. So problems
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